The countdown is here and ticking away!! I cannot believe that our entire life is going to change 3 weeks from tomorrow. It changes everytime a new baby comes into our lives. I imagine it will be a little hectic at first but we will fall into a nice routine. It’s so peaceful when a new baby comes to our house because the older kids will try to speak quieter and they will be totally focused on the baby. I’m sure they will be a great help. My concern is with “T” who will be just two weeks shy of being 2 years old. He is a handful right now, but in a good way. He needs lots of attention and has just switched to being a “momma’s boy” from being a “daddy’s boy” for the past 8 months. He just comes up to me and says “Hold you”, which means he wants me to hold him. Of course I can’t help but love it since he wanted nothing to do with me for soooo long. My only concern is when the baby gets here. My heart is already breaking for the feelings of abandonment he is going to have. He will want me to hold him but I know I will be too tired and not physically able to do it. I hope he doesn’t feel to sad. It will be fine when the girls are home from school but I know that during the day will be a challenge. “A” will be just fine. He is going to be 5 in March so he is very self sufficient.
I asked “B” for a blessing last night. I haven’t received it yet but I know I need it. The other night I couldn’t even sleep because I thought of everything that might go wrong with this surgery. I cannot even imagine my children growing up without their mommy. I just hope and pray that I can make it through this and be able to be the same mommy they knew before the c-section. I’ve just had so many great births that I don’t even know what to expect. I seriously have not been this scared before a birth. With my first I didn’t even get nervous until I was about ready to have “K”. I wonder if it is because I know the exact day with this one and the other ones I did not.
On a happier note. I really am excited to have a little baby boy. I love it when they are newborns and want to snuggle with you all the time. “T” really only wants to be held on his terms, which usually means when I am busy with something else. “A” is a big snuggler but wants to snuggle in the middle of the night when he sneaks in my bed. That is a whole different post about how my children ALWAYS end up in bed with us. I was stressing last night because “A” got in bed with us at just 1:00am. I said to “B” that he cannot be doing this when the baby is here. Maybe we should just set up his bed in our room so he feels safe but is not in our bed. I think “A” also slept in our room when “T” was born because he just needed us. I don’t mind if my children want to be close to me. “K” got in our bed until she was almost 5 and now she just comes down when she has a bad dream. She is old enough now that I can just take her back up and tuck her in. It’s funny how we forget how tough they were when they were little. “K” is the easiest child now and we never would have known it going through her life up until she was 5. She was our fit thrower. She is so gentle and kind now. I guess it just shows us that we have to do all we can when they are young and they will turn out okay even if, at the time, it seems like they will not be.